When I was thinking about writing a blog to highlight some of the brilliant perspectives proffered by Matthew S. Friedman in his book titled “Where Were You?” I instinctively knew that his unembellished yet powerful words were going to guide me and my thought process. The irony of his writing lies in how he uses simple words to describe the complex, callous and heartbreaking nature of human slavery in OUR time (when we are all living & breathing). The issue is appalling and disquieting, almost blending into the background and fading away like white noise. Most of us assume that the ability and capacity of the common man to tackle or even approach such a big-scale issue are non-existent – at least, this is what I thought to myself before turning the book to its back to read the synopsis.

What in the world could I ever do? A commoner like me can only read about this.

However, Friedman delivers a compelling statement in this book: commoners can also psychologically and logistically support the cause if they simply possess one thing, empathy. Our shared, necessary sense of empathy enables humanity. This is all the book is about, in essence. The stories, the words, the pain – basically everything Friedman writes about in this book is pointless without empathy from you & me.

Words have extraordinary power – written or spoken.

In this blog, all I intend to achieve is to share some words (quotes or perspectives) that struck me, and I hope they touch you too

Acknowledging that evil exists.

From an early age, I understood that deceitful people walked the Earth, and they tricked others out of their freedom.

Friedman recollects the moment when he first acknowledged that evil exists, because of an experience within his own family. He talks about how close his own grandmother was to being kidnapped by a German-speaking man when she was a young woman. The story concludes with a happy ending (much to our relief) whereby another couple noticed what was happening and pulled her away from that man. Of course, this short narration of his grandmother’s experience was not placed in the book to fill up the empty spaces in the pages. It has a point, a repetitive point that Friedman has been making since the start – the need for empathy. The focal point here is the absolute necessity of empathy and kindness from commoners like you and me.

It is important to note that many people who are lured and trafficked do not lack intelligence; the traffickers are just very convincing liars.

Two interesting words I noticed in the abovementioned quotes are ‘tricked’ and liars’. It is true, isn’t it? Victims fall prey to predators everyday not because they are too dumb or naive, but because they are fooled. Friedman therefore draws a link between his own experience with his grandmother to the thousands of young girls being fooled and cheated by the pimps to be forced into brothels. Another key word is ‘freedom’. These young girls are not tricked to give up their money or their property, but their freedom. When one loses freedom, doesn’t he cease to be human too?

The obvious irony in his visits to the brothels.

To ensure my safety, a local police officer accompanied me.

Friedman describes his visits to the brothels to spread information about HIV/AIDS prevention – and he mentions here that to ensure his safety, a local police officer accompanied him. By all means, this is an absolutely sensible statement; he needed physical protection from the goons within these brothels. However, this whole situation is ironic in the sense that whenever an outsider enters these red-light areas to protect the safety of the girls stuck inside (who are clearly in greater need of safety), the outsider is the one who is given safety by the police! To come into contact with an outsider is already an unusual happening for these ladies and young girls – even then, outsiders are the ones protected from the internal network of these brothels, putting them in no position to rescue the victims. In other words, these ladies are stuck in the brothels for a lifetime with absolutely no means to live or escape, even if someone else from the outer world were to come in occasionally.

Near the back of the parlour, located in a small brick cubbyhole, would often be a shrine containing several brightly coloured prints depicting the gods … Incense burned throughout the day in devotion to these deities and in supplication for protection and favour.

This quote describes what one sees at first look upon entering a brothel. At this point, the irony is alarmingly obvious. Prayers are offered every day to the gods for protection and favour. “Protection of who?” you may ask. Obviously, the safety of the females enslaved in such places enforcing ultimate degradation upon them is not a priority at all – therefore, the protection is meant for the owner, who, ironically, is usually a lady as well—protection from the ‘good & proper’ police, from the law, any external threats etc.

The cost of freedom.

Memories of the blank stares in the girls’ eyes and the feelings of despair that consumed those awful places still haunt me. I can’t imagine hell would be much different that what I observed there.

To be free is to be human. To pay the price for wrongdoing and to give away your freedom is one thing, but to be robbed of it is an entirely different and painful thing. Freedom in itself is an abstract concept and, in many ways, a very fluid notion – it can take different forms. Freedom could be being able to walk for some, being able to laugh for some – for these girls, freedom is being able to simply breathe. And they have been robbed of that – their lives. This is what Friedman attempts to deliver by the expression “blank stares”, describing their expressionless and piercing eyes acting as a gateway to their empty inner soul.

What is your worst fear?

Every once in awhile, each of us is given a life test. This was mine, and I failed. I should have found a way to get that girl out of that awful place, and I couldn’t. I failed her so thoroughly that I never even learned her name.

Friedman describes his painful and traumatising emotional baggage – the biggest regret in his career. He talks about how he failed to save a young girl from being kidnapped (who then faced the unfortunate consequences). What struck me about this quote is that we will never know what happened to her. The ‘could-have-been’ is what kills. Friedman is also talking about this possible ‘could-have-been’; about what might have happened if he managed to save the girl. Now, none of us knows where she is. Recount the short story Friedman shared earlier about his grandmother. If not for the couple rescuing his grandmother, isn’t it possible that her plight could have been the same as this young girl whom Friedman grieves about? What changed and determined his grandmother’s fate then? – two people with empathy. The possibility of what would happen if not for the small shred of empathy remaining in humans should be the worst fear of all mankind.

Friedman also mentions a minute detail in his short grievance above – that he did not even manage to learn her name.

Such a small thing, isn’t it, knowing someone’s name? We go about our daily lives, come across plenty of people; of course, we cannot learn all their names (which makes sense). However, the act of learning someone’s name is the same as acknowledging their presence on this earth – “yes, you exist, and I know that”. Often, we engage in name exchanging for work or other official purposes, and of course, for solidarity (when we make friends). In fact, the world has become such that many people prefer not revealing their real names on several platforms, which is also an understandable and acceptable notion (concerning safety and privacy). Name exchanging, however, when done face to face, is an act of connection – conveying to the other person that if something were to happen to them, I would know how to address them and report it. If we were to look at it completely pragmatically, this would be the most efficient and relevant purpose of knowing one’s name. However, the basis of asking someone their name (beyond all other practical purposes) should be empathy and simply acknowledging their existence.

In an attempt to restore some small shred of the dignity stolen from her, I call this child Amulya, which in Nepalese means ‘priceless’.

Again, the act of calling someone by their name or giving them a name is an intimate one – recall the instances whereby you named someone or something. Be it a nickname for a loved one or a name for a pet you dearly love, naming is a significant act, giving someone their identity. Friedman does this loving act very aptly by naming the precious girl from his grieved past as Amulya, an exact encapsulation of everything she is – priceless. Her being and her freedom has no price and can never be bought.

Anger & Loss.

At the end of the interview, I sat there speechless (…) I finally said, ‘Wow, you must be so angry at the traffickers for all the terrible things they did to you’. I then waited for her confirmation of this seemingly obvious statement. Instead, Gita looked accusingly at me and the others in the room. Her eyes blazed. ‘No, I am not angry at the traffickers – I am angry at you!’

When evil acts become common knowledge – they gain power. This is the truth. The acts gain a twisted form of recognition, albeit infamous, and slowly become ‘acceptable’ over time. These things no longer make the news; they are no longer shocking to commoners. The reason why they no longer shock us over time is that we have internalised this message: “I know what is happening inside, but there is no point in me trying anything; it will not work anyway, so I might as well let it go on – in silence”. We prefer acting like that the elephant in the room does not exist. In issues like this, more often than not, commoners like us appear to be the greater villains than the main perpetrators themselves. We allow these acts to happen and then use self-victimisation as a meek excuse to comfort ourselves for our inaction. This is what Gita is talking about in the quote above – she directs her anger towards the ‘good’ people, people whose goodness never revealed itself till the end. She simply asks this: Just because you did not do the bad things, does that mean you are good?

The reality is, we all claim to have empathy and compassion. However, we choose to hide in this grey region – an area of stagnancy in which we are neither the good guy nor the bad guy. By doing this, we allow the predators to keep on hunting, and eventually, we lose our right to call ourselves good people. As commoners, we so strongly believe that we should never overestimate our capacities when trying to make a change because the consequences are too high, and we will be brutally crushed if we even attempt to do so. Also, for many, the question arises: Anyway, I don’t know them & they aren’t my friends, are they?

I don’t know you but I feel a connection.

From a small shelter with only a few beds, she has built a large network that includes three prevention homes, eleven transit homes, two hospices, and a formal school. More than a thousand children are receiving direct services from Anuradha’s non-profit organisation, Maiti Nepal, every day.

Anuradha Koirala was a teacher before she became an activist. One day, she found her calling after providing shelter for a girl who had been trafficked. She instantly realised her vocation – her unique and powerful capacity to ease suffering so great and indescribable. She set forth to build a whole network, slowly expanding her services to create Maiti Nepal, her non-profit organisation. However, it all started with the simple understanding of the situation, in essence, what Anuradha felt that day when she rescued that young girl. A connection. She did not know her personally, but she felt like she knew her. A mutual understanding that they are both humans. That they were both alive in that very moment. Anuradha’s empathy for a fellow human, whose peace and freedom have been so heavily compromised. That empathy is what keeps her going on in her mission despite the multiple dangers she encounters owing to her good work.

So, is it possible to have a connection with a person or a group of people we barely know? I certainly think so.

What do we call it?

‘Slavery ‘ as a term was beginning to replace ‘human trafficking’. Experts in the field argued that ‘slavery’ put more emphasis on the real problem – the loss of freedom – while human trafficking focused more on the process a victim followed to get into a exploitative situation.

Here, Friedman talks about the crucial need to employ appropriate and accurate terms when tackling issues – especially when they concern human rights. Human rights issues tend to be complex/emotional; therefore, using a term that best describes their nature can make or break the perception that commoners have about them. It is what it is; it is slavery! Even if the term ‘human trafficking’ is not technically incorrect, it misleadingly places attention on the wrong aspect of the issue. The real issue, like what Friedman highlights here, is the loss of freedom that victims undergo when trapped rather than the unfortunate circumstances that led them into such situations in the first place. Labelling is a simple thing, but the power it holds is immense. We commit this same mistake in our daily lives. When faced with an issue, we tend to not call it what it is just to avoid conflict. We hedge our words and try to soften the blow by not definitively addressing it; we beat around the bush. Although this seems like a minor and harmless act, it can have severe repercussions on a group of people (regardless of the nature of the issues at hand). Therefore, it is imperative to use the correct terminology when talking about issues, especially human rights issues.

As mentioned at the start of this blog, words after all, have great power.

More and more consumers are asking questions about whether the products they buy are ‘slave-free’. As part of this trend, millennials are much savvier when it come to slavery and are using online resources and apps to identify whether they are using products and services from companies that may profit from the enslavement and exploitation of people.

Slavery is a broad term, including not only prostitution but any form of forced labour as well, found in manufacturing supply chains, retail markets, etc. Now, due to the increasing awareness around the issue of slavery, many millennials are becoming more intentional and conscious in their own ways – be it actively advocating for victims or simply making better shopping decisions. An influx of knowledge reveals itself one way or another, encouraging people to make moves and take action (even if they are small). It is heartwarming to see how people show their support for the cause, even if they may be doing it without really fully understanding the issue or because it is a trend. At the end of the day, regardless of why one avoids purchasing products from companies profiting from forced labour – one less purchase translates into less burden on the victims. We often underestimate the power of commoners.

Another significant issue is that we think: What is the point of just me not buying from this brand? Am I going to end slavery?

While reading this section, I remembered an Aesop fable about the strength of union. A fable about a father, his sons and a bundle of sticks. A father calls his first son to his death bed and gives him a bundle of sticks, instructing him to break it. The first son tries his best but fails. Then, the father calls his second son and asks him to do the same. The second son, similarly, fails as well. The father then repeats this process with his other sons, and just like the first two sons, they all fail in breaking the bundle. The father then unties the bundle and gives them each a stick, instructing them to break it. Of course, they all manage to break the stick given to them effortlessly. The emphasis of this fable, traditionally, has always been placed on the weakness of disharmony. However, what I want to highlight in this fable, is the power of harmony – how it was difficult to break the tied bundle of sticks. Although individually, the sticks were easy to break, they could not be broken when put together. Therein lies the power of unity. The same concept applies to our individual efforts. We often think that there is no point in trying to do anything as an individual, but when combined with the efforts from like-minded people, there is unison, a concord that arises. It is truly a beautiful thing to see humanity unite and collectively avoid supporting brands or organisations that profit from forced labour.

Social media and public platforms have been instrumental in perpetuating knowledge about issues, creating wonderful and positive changes around the world. Any kind of tool at our disposal – our words, our voice, our talents, our souls – must echo the cries of oppressed and suffering people.

Do you trust me?

Within a few minutes, the reporter was talking about how stupid migrants are to allow themselves to be trafficked (…) Finally, I said to her, ‘With all due respect, I have some questions to ask you. First, what do you know about me? Not much, right? Second, you came to meet me here today at this little café based on faith. You assumed I was a good, respectable guy. Right? But what if I wasn’t? What if I was a trafficker? I’d be able to take advantage of you right now. A van could pull up and snatch you. Do you see my point? Do you consider yourself to be stupid? Of course not. But this is how these things play out. This is how trafficking works – as part of a simple exchange when a person least expects it. It isn’t stupidity, it is a misjudgment of trust.’

Friedman talks about his encounter with a reporter he met while in Thailand while working for the UN. He outlines his conversation with her as he explains how trafficking really happens. Many people tend to blame victims for their predicaments and, more often than not, point fingers at them. They say, ‘they got themselves into that situation!’, without any empathy or compassion for their suffering. Even you and I face a very high possibility of getting into a situation whereby we might misjudge and mistrust another. Having good faith is the basic foundation of any relationship, and many victims get lured into a ‘harmless’ relationship with a predator based on this. Predators go to great extents to convince victims that they are reliable. Therefore, before anyone blames the victim, they must consider what they would have done if they were in the position of the victim.

For instance, take a look at this account given by a trafficker from Bangladesh, explaining how he typically schemes to lure young girls.

First, he pairs up a veteran prostitute with another man who pretends to be her husband. He then sends this couple to live in a small house in a neighbourhood, in which they spend a certain amount of time. During this time, the woman befriends young girls in the area and, once she has gained their trust, invites them to go out with her for a movie or a drink. The woman even goes to the extent of convincing the young girls’ parents to let them go out with her. Of course, she then brings them to brothels and seals their fate once and for all. Given these details, think to yourself: how could have young girls aged 16-18 been wary of a seemingly pleasant middle-aged woman who appears to be friendly (even with their parents)? Deception takes on many faces, and predators tend to be accomplished liars with a persuasive nature to convince even the most stubborn. It is, therefore, very crucial for people to be careful before they comment about victims – we never know why they trusted the people they did. Oftentimes, the traffickers could be family members and may not be complete strangers.

It could happen to anyone.

The ongoing fight, COVID-19 & heroes.

With factory shutdowns, order cancellations, workforce reductions, and sudden changes to supply chain structures, many workers have lost their jobs or have been furloughed for an extended period of time. As a direct result of this unfolding situation, the risk of modern slavery has skyrocketed globally as the dire economic impact of this pandemic has increased.

Friedman mentions that Asian garment workers working for global fashion brands lost up to $5.8 billion in wages when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, leading many unemployed workers to take up exploitative jobs. It is a matter of life or death. As such, economic vulnerability has been and continues to be the primary driving force behind slavery. If we were to broaden our perspectives and look beyond our own homes, we would easily be able to see the crushing and vanquishing effects of the pandemic on certain groups of people. The World Bank estimates that up to 500 million people are on the brink of slipping back into poverty due to the significant impact on their livelihood. The need to support those trafficked is greater now than it has EVER been, given the global pandemic. Looking around us even, we can see the effects of the pandemic on groups most vulnerable within our own communities.

Why will this work? Because human beings have an incredible ability to solve problems when they put their minds to it.

Abolishing slavery is everyone’s concern. It is not just a job of NGOs or governments.

“But, I don’t know him! I don’t know her!” – some people claim this. While most people are able to extend their compassion and empathy to those they might possibly never come into contact with ever, some people still find it difficult to support those they don’t know. Again, it is tempting for many to accuse these people as heartless, and ‘label’ them as villains. However, what these people need is patience, education and awareness (if they are open-minded enough to learn, of course). As one human race, we owe this to one another, and it’s our duty to realise our innate sense of empathy for others. A quote by Margaret Mead, ‘never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has’. We possess a powerful humanitarian spirit in us, a spark so bright that could translate into something beautiful for others.

They are not just people who risk their lives to save the helpless but also ordinary men and women who give of their best selves for others.

What are our best selves? What is it in us that is unique and special that we can offer others – how to serve? This is a question for the individual to ponder, but the main message Friedman delivers is that – no act of service is too small. Anything, be it in the fields of science, humanities or arts, is valuable and necessary in the fight against human trafficking. Even learning about human trafficking is a way to better ourselves.

While I know there are people who care about modern slavery, there appears to be a counter-voice that talks them out of it. This voice whispers, ‘You are too busy to help. You have nothing to offer. The issue is too big to tackle. It could be dangerous. What if you don’t like this work?

While almost every human has this voice in their head when they try to do something for the world, Friedman reassures us that the first step to moving past this mental block is identifying that this is our mind’s way of protecting us from unforeseen dangers. By downplaying our role in addressing the issue, we give ourselves a reason to not be involved and basically escape the uncomfortable situation. Getting past this step is crucial. It is also essential to know that responding to such issues is a long game! Consistent, daily deeds matter more than a huge, one-time gesture. Friedman talks about a wave of kindness that we are all innately capable of creating together. We do good deeds for our loved ones every day, and we are definitely capable of acting out of empathy. We possess a generalised sense of goodwill and the potential to be kind. We now need to extend this sense of goodwill to other causes. As we switch past news channels, we need to pause and think about the real people involved in the issues and not mentally sweep them aside. In this digital age, we are constantly overwhelmed by data, by the news, by events, and it’s not a natural instinct for many to despair for another. It is an inevitable truth that it has become easier to be an observer rather than a doer. However, the need to take a moment and be present to serve others is too great now.

I wrote this blog because …

While I read this book, I resonated with many notions. I learnt a lot. I understood a lot. An issue many of us face is the tangential ‘simmering’ down of our need for justice. By this, I mean, after being initially moved by a talk, a book, or an encounter with a person, we tend to forget those feelings as time goes on. Time heals all things, but time can also make our need for justice decline. After a month or so, we get amnesia of some sort and forget how we felt when we first heard about the issues. We go back to our own lives, and we forget our need for justice. This is not an accusation; it’s just an observation. In other words, we find it arduous to keep the flame alive in us. We sometimes also set out to make HUGE moves, and when we find ourselves unable to do that, we feel discouraged and give up.

I think the first step would be to internalise and accept the fact that we have this tendency to forget. This realisation would then act as a constant reminder in our minds to keep us going to support the cause. Also, just like how a baby takes small steps when learning to walk, it is crucial that we set attainable and realistic goals for ourselves. For example, Friedman suggests the following list of 6 simple activities to get ourselves started in the journey of combatting human trafficking:

1. Learn and share
2. Sponsor an event
3. Show an educational film (e.g., Not My Life, Nefarious: Merchant of Souls, The Day My God Died, From Darkness to Hope: Transformations of an Ex-Trafficker)
4. Become a responsible consumer
5. Fundraising
6. Volunteer

Another crucial thing, in my opinion that I feel can be so monumentally instrumental in the fight against human slavery is finding your calling. What do you feel called to do? Figuring out what we are gifted in and putting those talents/skills to good use is something that can keep us going in this long process. Hopefully, this blog provided some insight into the issue of human trafficking – more importantly, may we constantly remind ourselves to pursue knowledge and seek self-awareness, especially for issues beyond our understanding.

All it takes is empathy.